A few years ago, an old friend randomly IMed me to apologize, out of the blue. He said sorry if he ever upset me or hurt me and to say that we should start over as friends. I had to read his IM several times and after a few minutes of head-scratching and pondering, I finally asked him. “Um…Sorry but, did you do anything to me?” I really had no idea what he was talking about. Though we haven’t spoken in years, he remained in my thoughts as a fond, old-time friend. He replied, saying that since it was a new year, he wanted to make amends- however big or small the wounds may be.
Now everytime a new year looms around the corner, I think about that friend and his IM. Do I have anyone in my life- however big or small their presence may be- that I need to reach out to? Do I have any unresolved, unpatched things- however big or small the beef may be- that I need to fix? Do I have any amends to make?
The answer to these questions is always a Yes. There always was a person with whom I needed to make amends. Some people are left as big, gaping wounds. Some people, as old, crusty scabs. Some people, fading scars. Nevertheless, all people whom I could manage to bandage up and heal.
But I could never cough up the courage or the audacity to address them. Sometimes, it feels pointless. Sometimes, my pride gets in the way.
I won’t name the cliched list of resolutions for the new year this year. I just want to be able to put my guard down, leave my pride behind and gain courage.
